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Moms, have you ever noticed that as soon as you decide you want a particular car, say a silver SUV, you suddenly see silver SUVs everywhere? It’s like the universe heard your thoughts and decided to flood the streets with them. Well, spoiler alert—it’s not magic. It’s your Reticular Activating System (RAS) at work and it might just be the most underrated brain function you’ve never heard of.
The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a network of neurons in your brainstem. Think of it as your brain’s filter, sifting through the millions of bits of information that you are bombarded with every second. Its job is to decide what’s important and bring it to your attention. It acts like the bouncer of the mind, directing what can and can't come in. The best part? You have more control over this filter than you think.
It's sculpted by the stories we tell ourselves, our lived experiences, the thoughts that play over & over in our head, and the program in our subconscious. From the third trimester in the womb to age 7, we absorb the actions, words, emotions, and energy of our parents, environment, and caregivers. These early experiences embed in our subconscious, forming the beliefs and behaviors we carry forward, without questioning them as anything other than truth. Over time, they shape and define the very lens through which we perceive the world.
Here’s a quick example. I remember when my husband and I were trying to conceive and it felt like an uphill battle. For about a year nothing seemed to work and each passing month brought waves of frustration and sadness. It felt like pregnant women were everywhere I looked—at the store, in restaurants, and even just walking down the street! I found myself not wanting to go places altogether because seeing babies and expectant mothers was a constant reminder of what I thought might never happen for us. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my RAS was zooming in on what mattered most to me in that moment. It’s the same reason you can instantly hear your child call out 'Mom!' in a crowded room, while effortlessly tuning out less urgent sounds—like your partner asking what the plan is for supper...again :)
The RAS doesn’t just help you notice stuff...it helps you focus on what you believe is possible. If you constantly tell yourself, “I’m terrible at this,” or "I have so much anxiety," your RAS will look for proof to confirm that belief.On the flip side, if you affirm, “I can handle this,” or "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but I'm taking steps to ground myself" your brain will find ways to support that thought.
Essentially, the RAS is your brain’s way of saying,“What you focus on expands." Where you place your attention is where you direct your energy and that's what you attract in return. If you constantly focus on what you don't want—like stress, challenges, or difficulties with your kids—that's what you'll continue to experience day after day.
To bring this point to life, let me share a couple of examples:
Do you ever feel torn between encouraging your kids to chase their wildest dreams and nudging them toward a more “practical” path? Your RAS plays a role here too. If you show them a world where their dreams are possible—pointing out opportunities, role models, or exciting possibilities—they’ll start to notice those things too. Plus they get to witness a living example of courage and authenticity.
Let’s be real....motherhood can feel like a never-ending pile of laundry, meal prep, and homework battles. But if you shift your focus to finding small moments of joy—a silly joke, a hug from your kiddo, or five quiet minutes with your coffee—your RAS will help you see more of those bright glimmers in your day.
Here are a few fun and practical ways to use your RAS to make positive changes in your life:
Think of the Reticular Activating System as your brain’s personal assistant—always working behind the scenes to help you focus on what matters most. When you begin to notice where your attention is going, you’ll find it much easier to identify where you need to start making shifts in your life. The key is to direct your focus and attention toward your dreams, not your fears. Whether it’s landing your dream job, finding more patience with your kids, or simply noticing how amazing you already are, the RAS can help you get there.
So, next time you spot that silver SUV—or hear “Mom!” from across the playground—give a little nod to your brain’s secret superpower. And then ask yourself: What dream or goal do I want my RAS to help me notice next?
